As the Years Go By...

I always assumed it would get easier. I would gain a better understanding of the Gospel, of the Church, of myself and of other people. I would gain skills that would smooth out the rough spots of ministry. I would learn not to take defeats and setbacks personally. I would not need to rely as much on other people’s affirmation because I would have learned to rely more on God.

In fact, it’s gotten harder.

Partly it’s because the Church I was trained to serve no longer exists. Partly it’s because there are issues in society that weren’t there when I began. But mostly it’s because I find myself going deeper all the time, so I shouldn’t be surprised that it doesn’t get easier.

Yes, I’ve gained skills that make me a better pastor than I was 30 years ago. For example, I’ve become more empathetic. But empathy is hard work. It’s pretty easy to pop into a hospital room, say something encouraging, offer a prayer, and leave. When you begin to put yourself in the place of a suffering person, you can’t do that. It gets harder.

And it’s gotten harder because I’m not so cocksure about some things as I once was. I have to think more, listen more, take more time to make up my mind. Even preaching has gotten harder because, though I know the Bible a lot better than I did 30 years ago I’m less satisfied with cliches and easy answers.

I always assumed it would get easier. Thank God it hasn’t.